Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
God, I missed his penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
