I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
