The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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