She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
