she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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