I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
