if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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