Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
