Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was born a porn star she said
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
