The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
