good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
