I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
