I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize