I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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