Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
