jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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