she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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