Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
