i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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