Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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