i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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