the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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