i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
