Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
