how can u be prego again
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
