There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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