Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
