..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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