I think I won the penis lottery.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
