You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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