Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
