pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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