Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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