you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just gargled with NyQuil
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
