My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
