***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
