His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just blew my weed a kiss
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Randomize
