if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is Oprah even human
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
