Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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