The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
