I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I touched a dick in church today
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
