It was confusing and full of hummus
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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