just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
