I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
