how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
