wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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