i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
