imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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