do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
pray to the hookup gods
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
