Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
