hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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