he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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