But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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