how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
