I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we made out on top of his cat.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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