You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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