what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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