My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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