i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
