You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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