her vagine was all disorganized.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
