I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
