I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
