You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
