It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
