its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
