Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
