I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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