he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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