I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
