I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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