im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
