Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
