Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
