Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
