hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
